Tuesday, 11 May 2010

Modern living (Μοντέρνα ζωή)

Have you ever browsed through the Unhappy Hipsters site? If you ever had any doubts about modern living, you will find solace in their witty one-sentence captions of photos showing modern living in the de-cultured globalised setting of Western (or westernised) society.

I have always wanted to do something similar myself with food photos that show out-of-this-world food or food products that most people would find an abomination. But that would mean that I would have to copy other people's photographs and make rather irksome remarks about them (the former is illegal).

But the gnawing need to write quirky one-liners still grates at me, especially now in the sombre mood that my country has sunk into. I have decided to use my own stock of 3,000 online food photos to do this. Can I rise up to the challenge of making a mockery of life and writing sarcastic comments about my own food? I am smiling already...

graviera hard yellow cretan cheese
When Luna said the moon was like a big wheel of cheese, Jerry thought she meant it metaphorically. But tonight, the moon looked like a pacman, and she had bought home the missing chunk. He didn't think she would actually go to the lengths that she did to find out what flavour it had.

cuttlefish in wine soupies krasates
The waiter set down the plate and walked hurriedly away. As Warren picked up his knife and fork, the first tentacle popped out of the sack, and suddenly another and then another followed in quick succession. When this process began to repeat itself exponentially, Warren simply threw the cutlery down on the table and made a run towards where the waiters were. He knew he'd be safer there.

Their dependence on fresh supplies was owing to the fact that they did not possess a refrigerator, hence they were accustomed to foraging and purchasing food products on a daily basis. He did not complain at the huge inputs of leafy greens that she would often place before him on his return from work, but felt a slight revulsion in the middle of spring when all the crops had been harvested and only the grass and weeds remained.

flower and lettuce salad
He had had a dozen roses sent to Tiffany in an attempt to convince her to give him another chance, but now realised that she was on a destructive path to get him out of her life - only the previous evening, he had found all his Mickey Mouse comics ripped to shreds. Upon seeing the rose petals, in the salad, he knew it was over. 

salade d'endives au rocquefort
Jeremy did not realise that the cheese had gone mouldy until the powdery blue fluff wafted up his nostrils as he took a bit from the chunk he was holding, causing him to sneeze. That's when he saw it - and promptly regurgitated the contents of his stomach.

mushroom asparagus sautee
Ida knew it was pointless trying to talk any sense into him. He rejected her concerns and simply told her to concentrate on the real issue: "You can't see the forest for the trees, can you?" 

chili con carne
"It's somewhere in there!" she cried despairingly. "I know it is!" She held up the other contact lens and showed it to him. "It looks like this. Just keep sifting and it'll turn up!"

creme caramel convenience food
Petunia was a born perfectionist. And why shouldn't it all turn out to be perfect? She had followed the instructions to the letter. Nothing could go wrong.

stuffed pork on the bone 
The taller ones could hardly move, but the smaller ones were able to wriggle out from the open cracks of their prison. The chance of pulling the others out to safety and escaping altogether was not a feasible one to contemplate at that moment.

vasilopita cupcakes
No matter which way they were dressed, whichever way you looked at them, they were all the same underneath.

And we really all are the same underneath.

The recent economic crises - the Greek one was different from the global one - have made us all rethink about the way modern globalised living has shaped our lives. Buying property at inflated prices, taking out loans to survive off money that can't be paid back, securing a job in the unproductive high-paying Greek state sector - they were, are, and will always be unsustainable ways to live an artificial life; at the same time, by going through these crises, we may have been given the chance to see life at a more basic level, one that we can all enjoy and survive through.

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